Wow, life is hell...does it ever get better?

Wow, so where to even begin today? It's been a long ass time since I updated this, but we won't go into details about everything. So lately, life has just been really, really stressful. Every time I turn around, my parents are arguing yet again. That literally stressed me to the point of having a minor relapse of mono. All last week, they were fighting, it seemed as if everything I did was absolutely wrong. Thursday, I just had enough and went out to dinner with Hilary. That seemed to help a bit, seeing as she was also having a pretty rough week. Friday my parents went out of town, so that helped reduce the stress. That night someone tried to break into the barn while I was home, though. That made me panic to no end. Hilary came over the next day, so that helped. I hate being in that house alone! It's so irritating. Anyway. So lately I've been thinking that I"m just meant to be alone, not to have anyone except for my friends and family. Now for the real pain in the ass: I used to work with my ex boyfriend, until he got transfered to the Mason store for "bad behavior." Haha. Well, I just realized today I left my favorite MSU jacket at his house. So I had to call the one person I never want to speak to or see again. And guess what? He's supposedly going to bring my jacket to me at work, when he remembers to go home and get it. Apparently he's now living with the girl he cheated on me with, her and her baggage. I really didn't want to talk to him, but the jacket means more to me than he does, and I want it back. Mostly, I don't want to see him because he's going to remind me exactly how little I mean to practically everyone else. I know I'm not pretty, or skinny, and he used me. Go figure. At what point does life get easier, or does it? I just want to feel like at least one person sees me for exactly who I am, and actually appreciates that. I'm honestly not sure a guy like that exists. I thought there was one guy possibly interested in me, but he could seriously do better than me.

I just wanna feel something,
Something that's a real something,
That moves me,
That proves to me I'm still alive.

I'm so sick of everything right now. I just want to find some way of making this all better. Maybe I just need to graduate, move to Chicago as planned, and just forget everything here. Oh, and for the past few weeks, I can't stop thinking about Jason. I know he's also way out of my league, but I just can't stop thinking about him. I hope he's okay (and you pretty much have to know me to know who Jason is, and if you don't know me, no, he's not my ex.) I just want a reprieve from it all!!!!!!