All I want for Christmas is a new life. I'll keep a few of my friends, namely Hilary and Carranda, but otherwise, I want a new life. I want to be thinner, by at least 20 lbs, I want to be smarter, I want to be the kind of person everyone likes, and I want to care more about everyone around me than myself. But at the same time, i just want to disappear, to be invisible. I don't want to be the center of attention, just the kind of person that doesn't piss anyone off, not memorable at all. I accept the fact that I'll be romantically alone for the rest of my life, and that's fine. No worries about that. But I just want to be "normal" again, yet I don't think it's going to happen any time soon. I feel as if I need to just disappear, then perhaps everything would just be okay. I give up, maybe I should just accept the fact that I'm not going to be happy, someone will always get to me, I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO STOP TRYING TO FORCE ME INTO THINGS! I want to be ME, and be accepted as such. Fuck this, I can't deal with this anymore.