eh...

Have you ever noticed how people change after a simple phone conversation? Take my mother, for example. Before the phone convo, she was fine, not problems with anything. Then, during this convo, she begins to treat me like I'm an idiot, like I disagree with everything she says. Post-convo, everything I do, say, or think is wrong. What the hell am I supposed to do!?! It's like I'm supposed to be the fucking brain child, the perfect one. I don't even know what the fuck I'm supposed to do or say around them anymore. I can't be perfect, I can't be the fucking brain child they want. Why can't they accept that? I'm gaining weight because I worry about if what I've done or said was perfect enough for them. Even if I try, it's never good enough. I just want to graduate college with a good enough GPA to get the fuck out of here and live in Russia. They refuse to fly over water, so I know they'll never come find me, and they're so goddam cheap they'd never call (not like I'd give them the number). People are so fucking controlling it's unreal. And expectations? Why does everything have to be perfect? Why can't anything just exist, just be? I just wish I could read minds, then I wouldn't disappoint them like I do. Maybe then I'd be good enough.